House Update

It’s ours! The homeowners and their bank approved our offer! Now we just have to jump through all the hoops to get FHA approved and then on to the closing. YAY!

11/07/09

aliiiiiiiii:

I’m such a Neko Case fangirl it’s sickening.

Glad you’re back! I had no idea!

hello, hobo

If you recall, we live in an apartment building about 100 yards from train tracks. A train goes by, oh, about every 20 to 30 minutes. There is also a public park right in front of our building.

Vivian and I were outside enjoying some sunshine, when this older fellow with long, gray hair and a beard passed by. He was walking quickly on the sidewalk in the park in the direction of the tracks. He had a small knapsack slung over his shoulder.

He looked at me, so I waved and he returned a hello. It is odd that I even said anything because I never talk to anyone who is at that park. I knew the moment I saw him that he was no normal park stroller. I also knew his agenda had to do with trains; he wouldn’t bother me.

So he kept walking, but looked over his shoulder several times at me, as if he wanted to say something else. Then he walked briskly into the bushes and wildflowers by the side of the building near the tracks and just like that, he was gone.

Happy trails!

This morning

She doesn’t wake up crying anymore, instead she laughs and giggles and screeches in the day.

When I walk into her room she is standing at the side of the crib. She is just tall enough to peek over the bars as she bounces up and down, excited to see me.

I pick her up and she looks all around. She looks into my eyes and laughs, our own secret joke.

I hold her upside down so I can get to her tasty little toe nubbins. Her feet taste salty, but the aroma of her is softly sweet. She tries to wiggle away.

We sit down in the comfy recliner for the first meal of the day. She holds still for awhile, quietly eating, eyes fixed on mine. She plays with my nose and lips and shirt and tugs at my hair. She jolts upright when she hears her daddy’s voice.

Then we play. She crawls and rolls over and tries to stand with the aide of whatever object is around. The trash can, the walker, the wall.

She cries and crawls after me when I leave the room. She grows fussy so I lay her in the crib. I can hear her talking and babbling from the other room.

When the apartment grows silent, I creep back into the nursery. She is clutching her blanket in one fist, the other over her head. She is lying still, her body motionless, her face angelic.

Just a little rant and rave

I’ve been in the labor and delivery unit this rotation. Today I saw my first cesarean section and my first vaginal delivery. The births were each beautiful in their own way. In both cases, the second that infant emerged, time seemed to stop and I would hold my breath. Tears came to my eyes. It was unbelievable to witness a new life coming into the world.

However, the more knowledge I aquire about an unmedicated, unassisted vaginal delivery with no “labor management” or “interventions”, the more discouraging it all seems. Will this ever be a reality for me?

I questioned two labor and delivery nurses and my instructor today. Could they think of any obstetricians in the Toledo area who still do vaginal births after a woman has had a cesarean section? The could only name one. And this physician is older and set to retire soon.

Reality is so different from the classroom. My textbook says that 60% of women have VBACs. How can this be true? VBACs may not be illegal or banned (although some hospitals are refusing a woman this right in the north west) but a woman is hard pressed to find an OB who will help her. Too much of a liabilty.

I’ve heard so much talk about the dangers of uterine rupture with VBAC. But no one talks about the dangers of a repeat c-section. Infection, hemorrhaging, infertililty, increased risk of maternal death, etc.

This is the first time I have really felt passionate about an area of the medical field, so I have been thinking of one day becoming a midwife. This too seems far off for me. Liabilty insurance is so high for midwives that many cannot afford to practice, and it is incredibly difficult to find an obstetrician to cover you in case of an emergency. Also, I would probably have to go to school out of state.

I am blessed to have a husband who supports me in my decisions about the births of our future children. In some ways I am thankful for the birth experience I did have; it wasn’t entirely awful. The moment I first saw Vivian was wonderful (although I didn’t get to hold her for almost 2 hours, and only for a short while before she was taken from me for 4 more hours. But that’s another story.) I am thankful because my experience has made me feel passionate about educating other women.

If there is one thing I could say to future mothers out there: educate yourself. Learn your options because you do have options. Surround yourself with people who support you and your decisions. And don’t be afraid of your body. Pregnancy, labor, birth and mothering are programmed within. Your body is a powerful vessel.

And if there is one thing I could change about our culture: appreciate a woman’s body not just for her sexuality but also for her reproductive qualities. Being a mother is beautiful. Women are strong and powerful. Please stop depicting birth as a scary, painful experience.

Take back birth!